Have you really thought about the implications to a possible Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl victory? Aside from making the New Orleans Saints, Detroit Lions and Cleveland Browns feel like absolute failures for never having even been to the Big Game, it’s also a big win on a much grander - possibly the grandest - scale.
It would be a big victory for God as well.
You may remember God; rather large (reportedly) entity; all-knowing; in charge of lottery wins and the occasional near fatal car/plane/motor scooter crash? As much as he, er He’s been under attack most recently with all these Left Wing Crusades, one place he hasn’t been suffering is on the field, particularly when it comes to that renowned Divine guidance he tends to provide those in charge of sporty guys that move when they ring him up on his special 463 number (like 911, only the operators are much calmer).
Seems this God fellow played a major role recently when he helped The Chosen One and avowed God Boy Tim Tebow and his Florida Gators defeat the Oklahoma Sooners (who wore devil-friendly red, no less) in the college BCS Championship Game. Mr. Tebow has been sincerely forward about his beliefs and about the benefits of said beliefs in the Awesome Powers From Above and you really start to wonder if maybe there isn’t something to all this fire and brimstone stuff. It can’t help having that kind of support in your huddle can it? You have to think God is probably well versed at reading defenses, whether they’re Normans or they’re from Norman and you have to think, as far as scouts go, He would be a pretty damned good scout and a great guy to have on your side.
Which brings us to the Arizona Cardinals (get it?), more specifically quarterback Kurt Warner and the Arizona Cardinals. Kurt has already won the Super Bowl with God at his side (back?) and aims to grab another when he faces Ben Roethlisberger and the evil (black-clad) Pittsburgh Steelers. While it’s not simply a case of God not liking the Steelers simply because they’re from Pittsburgh, it certainly can’t help. Plus God already has set the precedent since He helped Kurt win with the Rams (Saint Louis?) a while back and God is nothing if not loyal.
You almost have to feel sorry for the Steelers in what they must face taking on both that kind of offense and That Kind of Awesome Power. How do you run a reverse when He already knows it’s coming?
I expect no less than an immense blowout in favour of the Cards. Of course, God being (relatively) merciful and all, he will allow Pittsburgh some semblance of dignity and will likely spot them a touchdown or two just so they’ll want to wake up Tuesday morning.
Kurt will win and inevitably it will be because of Him, and Kurt will thank Him and the two will likely spend the rest of the evening together (in a metaphysical sense), although God, being prudish and all, will likely back away when Kurt gives him the signal that perhaps it’s time for Kurt and his wife Brenda to play a little man-to-man themselves to finish off the night in proper style. I mean, He did design that play as well..