It's Reigning Men
The world of men can be divided, simply, into two distinct camps – those who carry an umbrella and those who do not, cannot, or will not. This unassuming and subtle yet telling display of technology, speaks loudly about he who exhibits it.
Ask any man if he uses this device and his answer will be quick and unequivocal. There is no hesitation with a man and his umbrella. He either uses one, proudly, or he doesn't, proudly.
And a man also knows, very early in his life, whether he's umbrella material or not. He doesn't just suddenly decide, one inclement morning, to accessorize against the rain in this fashionably unique way. This ability - this particular penchant for protection against precipitation - is either in you or it's not.
Realistically with rain -
or any other unwelcome organic projectile falling from the sky
... read more
It's Reigning Men
The world of men can be divided, simply, into two distinct camps – those who carry an umbrella and those who do not, cannot, or will not. This unassuming and subtle yet telling display of technology, speaks loudly about he who exhibits it.
Ask any man if he uses this device and his answer will be quick and unequivocal. There is no hesitation with a man and his umbrella. He either uses one, proudly, or he doesn't, proudly.
And a man also knows, very early in his life, whether he's umbrella material or not. He doesn't just suddenly decide, one inclement morning, to accessorize against the rain in this fashionably unique way. This ability - this particular penchant for protection against precipitation - is either in you or it's not.
Realistically with rain - or any other unwelcome organic projectile falling from the sky - there are but two schools of thought: you either get wet or you don't. The choice is both defining and emasculating.
For some strange reason, society has always equated the ability to stay dry with predominance in social stature. Those who get rained on are the downtrodden and peons of the world. Those who maintain dryness – in even the very worst of conditions – somehow lay claim to loftier civic status.
Perhaps, early on, this was particularly true. Perhaps the power to stay dry was based almost exclusively on a person's financial means. Money equals overcoats. Thus, the more man could separate and shield himself from the ravages of nature, the more cultivated – and ultimately urbane – he had become. And nothing says sophisticated and distinguished more than brandishing an umbrella against the absolute best God can dish out. It's Noah's Ark with velvet ropes.
At the opposite end of the spectrum is the poor sod who gets fully drenched because he apparently lacks the money, or the brains, to stay dry. He will be the first lout to lose vital body temperature, succumb to the ravages of foul weather and die shortly thereafter from preventable pneumonia. This is the man – just a guy really – who neglects to see the vital importance of, not only arming and insulating himself against cruel precipitation, but also the value of doing it in such a fashionable style.
Why would any reasonable human being – even a frugal one – needlessly subject himself to the earnest, harsh realities of nature when he really doesn't need to? What kind of person stands in the rain or, at least, doesn't run scrambling for cover when the skies open and release their unique hydrogen and oxygen cocktail? The umbrella is the epitome of man's definitive triumph. It is power meeting technology meeting high fashion. To wield such an incredibly useful and sophisticated weapon is to show supremacy - with panache. It is the ultimate dramatic display, one meant to separate the man from the beast, and the homo sapien from his checkered ape ancestry. To allow even one water droplet to permeate his highly developed human pelt would be both regrettable and needlessly organic.
After all, he'd get wet.
END
